You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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