I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
