just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
