so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
