Umm I'm too high to move.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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