the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
