God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
