Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
