He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
