Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
