M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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