1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
