One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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