Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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