A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
