he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can I color on your dick again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
