You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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