We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
