I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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