I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
