That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
