that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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