No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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