what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
