I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
