he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she pinky promised me she was 18
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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