Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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