its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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