Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
