I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
