1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
