you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
