The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
