All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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