I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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