my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so explain again why im purple
no
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
