Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
