we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
