I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
