some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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