it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
