Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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