spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
