Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
