Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
