i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
