The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
