he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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