he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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