I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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