this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
