did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
