I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
