Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i'm inner monologue high
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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