Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
