So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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