Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
