it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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